For some insignificant reason, we as a species are programmed to take an (on-average) eight hour slumber every night. Around the same time every day, the sandman pays his expected visit and sprinkles his dust in our eyes and before long we’re passed out on our bed, snug in our comforters and pajamas. Sometimes we enjoy such a hibernation and find it comforting, relaxing, and refreshing.
This blog post is for the opposite set of people — people who may have been a bit too late on their paper on why lack of toilet paper was the reason the USSR failed the Cold War, or the people who just simply must spend that extra minute on that fantastic new sleep simulation game.
No matter your reason, if you wish to stave off the midnight yawns, here are a few tips you should follow.
Do something completely mindless. In case you haven’t noticed, your brain is a large contributer to your sleep mechanism.
Relax your brain.
Youtube is an excellent way to do this — simply look up a few videos about cats or a political debate. Another good tip would be to check out the latest popular videos; there’s absolutely no chance that any of them will have complex mathematical equations, or really any story you’ll have to follow, so they’re absolutely perfect for a person who doesn’t want to sleep.
Here’s an example:
If you don’t have the ability to access youtube for some reason, TV is a good alternative — though don’t do this on a nice, comfy couch or on your bed.
For a few minutes, do something you’re passionate about. In lieu of the above, you could also do something artsy and original. So go do something that makes your heart flutter, such as drawing or being a grammar nazi (I’m sure somebody noticed the preposition at the end of the sentence. You know who you are).
Another good idea would be starting a business breeding and selling puppy-sized elephants. Please, if you do this, contact me from my contact page.
This elephant is puppy sized.
Raise your adrenaline. This could entail any number of things, but would usually either entail fear or exercise. Example: running from a fire-breathing dragon in a dark, creepy-crawly-infested cave. If you notice, that utilizes both fear and exercise for maximum efficiency.
However, if this is in any way inconvenient, you could simply lift weights, punch punching bags, do a few sit-ups, or attack that dinosaur-sized spider sitting in the corner of your room.
As you can quite clearly tell by my eight legs, I'm a spider.
Take a fucking shower. That’s right: good old-fashion water has the tendency to keep away tiredness. If you can’t take a shower, simply wash your face with cold water. This will stimulate your body enough to keep you going.
Reduce the temperature. Similar to the technique above, another way to stay up is to turn down your AC a degree or three. Warm climates tend to lend a sleepy nature, which is why we use blankets when we’re trying to go to sleep. Avoid being warm and cozy at all costs.
Unfortunate side-effect: when you’re really sleep-deprived, some people become much more sensitive to temperature. One thing often leads to another, and you may find yourself in your warm bed to stave off the cold. Don’t over-do this tip.
Turn on/leave on the lights. Just like Pavlov discovered about his dogs, we are all conditioned to react a similar way to similar situations. We salivate and get phantom-tastes in our mouth when we simply hear about or see a particular food that we enjoy eating. We get more pleasure listening to music when we’ve linked it to friends.
We also get tired when we do things that we link to sleeping, such as turning off the lights. So turn them on.
Drink caffeine. While this technically doesn’t make a person less tired, it does reduce the tendency to fall asleep when you’re working on something important. It also boosts your awareness and alertness, allowing you to fight zombies or even finish that final draft of your essay. Interestingly, caffeine is also a method of raising your adrenaline, as your body creates this in response to it.
So go off and drink that cup of java or energy drink. I give you permission.
This is a cup of coffee. What else would it be?
Oh wait, you have an addictive personality and don’t want to feed it? I’m sorry. You’re missing out terribly.
Take a power nap. This is named so because it makes you feel powerful, like the Hulk. Also like the hulk, a power nap makes you grow to astounding humanoid proportions and turn green. Unlike the Hulk, you might become less tired.
The trick is to keep the nap between 10 to 25 minutes, reducing your chance of going into a deep stage of sleep. When you wake up, BAM! you’re ready to take on the world. Be careful with this tip: often times, we can fool ourselves into taking much more than we need.
So that’s about it. Are you ready to take on the nocturnal world? I think so.